Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Looking around...

on the internet that is.


I've been looking at the slender blogs that I frequent and I just read the newest post on A hint of serendipity... Hang in there Zero... you can do it man. Just try to stay calm and keep from making a stupid mistake... The husks will continue to antagonize you, even if you've disabled comments on your posts for right now... They'll find a way... and you have to keep yourself in check, despite what they might do. I know it'll be hard, but I believe in you Zero. (Even if I don't REALLY know you.)


on a sIde not: raMeN is freaking deliciOus. Thankfully i have tonS of it. A FEarfuL and tEntAtiVe good day to the rest of you. i'm probably goING TO leave really early in the morNInG. Hopefully everyThing goes well.


SINcerely,
Raz

Him...

I saw Him.


I was walking back to the dorm after my last class and as I was walking by the construction site (they're building a new business building here) I felt something really weird, like my brain was trying to tell me "Something's wrong!" I looked over and there he was, standing ontop of the building. I knew that I was the focus of his attention right then... it was something that I could just feel. I quickly ran back here, trying to keep from looking around, not really wanting to know if he was following me back to the dorm.


I know what I'm going to do now... I'm packing up tonight and heading out in the morning... I'm not going to wait for something bad to happen... not like most of the others... Besides... he seems to be reacting quicker than I've seen with others... I think it might be that I'm a Conduit... that would make sense I guess... I don't know... I need to get something to eat and think about this more before packing up... Wish me luck...


SINcerely,
Raz

...

I did the test. I told one of my friends, Michael, who is pretty opened minded, about what I think is going on with me and asked him if I could try using my powers on him... well... it worked.


I had him sit down and I sat down infront of him. I looked right into his eyes and imagined a thin needle shooting from my mind into his and then exploding. As soon as I did this he screamed in pain and collapsed on the ground... so... it worked... He's fine now, the pain had been momentary, but excruciating, as he told me. So... it seems like I can mentally attack people...


... yeah... I don't know what to do with this information... I'll probably post later today if I have a plan thought up.


SINcerely,
Raz

About to test...

So wish me luck. I'll be done within the hour... this shouldn't take long.


After my nightmare last night... I am worried that I'll see Him, but so far I haven't seen Him around anywhere. Hopefully I never do...


SINcerely,
Raz

Since I'm not going to sleep...

I thought I'd let everyone just know, almost right up front, some more... interesting things about me.


My mother is bipolar and has active schizophrenia. She's able to keep it under control with her medication, and it does a pretty good job. I, myself, do not have either of those... really. I have what I like to call, but don't know if this is the proper term, audio hallucinations. I sometimes image hearing people talking, or I might hear a sound and, in reality, nothing happened and no one spoke. On top of that I have AD- Oh look a shiny thing! But yeah. I just thought that my readers should know that before it becomes an issue and I have to drop it like a freaking bomb on all of you. (however many of you there are beyond Sabrina I don't know.)


Before anyone tries to suggest that "hey maybe that has something to do with your powers! You know, you can hear people who aren't there, but are somewhere else!" No, it's not that. It really is just audio hallucinations, through and through. The talking is almost always nonsensical, and the noises never make sense for where I am, or in general for that matter. It's just something I've grown accustom to.


In case you're ALSO wondering, yes something did happen in my childhood that contributed to me having audio hallucinations, but, no I don't want to talk about it. It honestly has nothing to do with any of this and I'd rather not think about it.


I just thought that I should let you guys know all of this. So yeah, I'm going to probably stay up for the rest of the night... sleep well everyone, and stay safe!


SINcerely,
Raz

Before I forget it...

though I don't know how I could...

I had a dream... a nightmare... and it wasn't exactly the same as the others... there was a distinct difference...

Like normal I woke up lying on the leave covered ground, but while looking up I didn't see any trees, though it was still foggy. As I stood up I saw that all of the trees were gone... well... not gone... there were stumps everywhere, but no standing trees left. Standing not too far away from me was... Him... I could feel his gaze on me. I suddenly felt the wind brush against me and knew that time was not still, as in the other dreams. I heard a rustle behind me and made the mistake of looking away from Him. When I looked back he was only about two feet away. I felt a scream well up in my chest and as I let it out I woke up, screaming...

I... I'm terrified... I think he can see me now... It's something I did... Either my research... my trying to support those who are being attacked or harassed... my mentioning that it's a possibility that I'm a Conduit... Maybe it has something to do with me posting that picture of myself... Maybe it's all of them together... I... I'm still going to try my test tomorrow... but... I'm worried...


For reference: I woke up at 1:11 roughly

Tom, sorry that I woke you up with my screaming. I know it must have been startling and a bit unnerving.

SINcerely,
Raz

Monday, November 29, 2010

Nervous...

Title says it all... I'm just really nervous about the thing I'm going to be testing tomorrow... Wish me luck... Night all!


SINcerely,
Raz

Accidental double post

I'm back at my friends apartment (spending the night here, thanks Tom.) and it has TERRIBLE internet, so I accidentally posted the post right after this one TWICE. So I'm just making this post an "I'm sorry I made a whoopsie" post.

Conduit...

Okay, what I was looking into was something that happened to me back in high school about two years ago. I contacted the friend of mine (more of an acquaintance, but whatever) who was involved and made sure that I remembered everything correctly and got his description of what happened.


One day I was sitting with my friends at lunch, talking about school and how our different relationships, or lack-there-of were going on. I had actually been dumped the day before but I was trying to keep from showing my sadness and anger, and honestly thought I was doing a good job.


Near the end of lunch my friend (the one I contacted to verify this story) walked up, wanting to hang out with us and as he approached he suddenly froze, gave a sharp cry of alarm, looked very worried and looked right at me. He quickly said "I have to go." and walked away.


I asked him, when I contacted him today, what it was he experienced. He described it as "an invisible knife stabbing deep inside my brain." He could feel it coming from me and decided it would be a good time to leave.


What I had remembered (feeling that is, not just the events) was thinking that it was my ex walking up to us, because he had approached from behind us and I had barely seen him when I thought that, and got very angry, so angry that I imagined attacking him with a sharp object, any sharp object really, just something that was close at hand.


The reason, I believe, he experienced this was he is big into wiccan and has told me how he can "feel" people's energy.


After reading about what conduits are and the kind of powers they posses... I think I might be one... I'm not sure... I'm going to try something tomorrow and I'll let you all know how it goes.


SINcerely,
Raz P.

Question...

Wow... three posts in one day.


Alright, I've been hearing a lot about "conduits" recently. What are they? I read that they have powers and each one is unique. Also I've heard that Revenants kill them. From the sounds of it Revenants are not good... well... when being ordered. I've seen several blogs made by Revenants who seem nice enough as long as they aren't being ordered to do something. So yeah, does anyone have a good idea of what "conduits" are exactly?


SINcerely,
Raz


*edit* I read on the blog What You Are In The Dark a little more about what conduits are. So are conduits human? Do these powers just surface eventually? Or are they always there, but the person doesn't really realize that they have them for a long time?

Note...

Something about the title of this blog. The real title of the blog is Not Quite Doomed. Just as a little fun thing I'm going to translate Not Quite Doomed into a different language each week. So yeah, last week was German this week is Dutch. Next week? WHO KNOWS?! X3


SINcerely,
Raz

Something...

Yeah I decided to see if I could find a list of all the Slender Blogs. I found a really good one on Unfiction. I also saw that I was added to recently started Slender Blogs. Honestly, I hope that this doesn't really become one. You have no idea how terrified I am right now that I might see Him.


But yeah, hopefully getting added to that list will allow this blog to be found by someone and I can get some advice or at least I can make sure that if something happens then someone will know.


That's all for now.


SINcerely,
Raz

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Braid...

I've been playing it a lot recently. I finally got the true ending. It was really cool how the game gave a whole new meaning to all the events leading up to the end. I like it when movies, stories, and video games have the theme of "reality versus perceived reality."


Though I have to say it'd really scare me if I were to find that my own reality wasn't correct and that my perceived reality was completely different from the true reality. Which is why I've been so worried about my dreams recently. I mean, I've been reading a lot of slender blogs and I honestly thought they were just stories, but with these dreams... nightmares really, I'm worried that I very well may see Slender Man.


Nothing else for now...


SINcerely,
Raz

My dreams...

Hi everyone. I've decided I want to talk about the dreams I've been having lately. At least in a little more detail.


I always wake up, lying face up on the leave carpeted ground. All around me are impossibly tall, thin, dark trees. In the dreams it's never dark there, per se... just...grey. I stand up and look around, seeing absolutely no one around me. In all directions the trees stretch out, disappearing into a grey fog. Solitude is something I've always longed for, but even so, this starts to be unsettling after a while. Then... in the distance I see something. I can barely make out its shape. It's tall and thin like the trees... I know what it is... but I want to deny that it could possibly be there... how could it be... it's just a meme from the internet... right? Even so it stands there, unmoving, as though it, along with the rest of the forest around it, is frozen in time, like a snapshot from a camera. I feel my heart begin to race, my hands becoming clammy. I can barely breath, it's sightless gaze transfixed on me and mine on it.


That's always when I wake up. I usually have a cold sweat and am breathing very heavily. The dreams have been so real recently... it's truly unsettling...


But yeah... if someone sees this could you give me any advice on how to stop a reoccurring dream? Any help is appreciated.


SINcerely,
Raz

Friday, November 26, 2010

So tonight...

I saw Harry Potter. The newest one. It was really good! Though the ending was super depressing. Can't wait until the next one comes out.


I saw it with a good friend of mine, Don. We both agreed that J.K. Rowling can go to hell for killing Dobby.


The scene where they go through the fireplace in the Ministry of Magic and end up in a forest (because of Hermione) kind of creeped me out... Mainly it was how the trees looked... so stark... and tall... and dead... Just kind of reminds me of the dreams I've been having recently.


Well I'm heading back to my college tomorrow. =3 See ya!


SINcerely,
Raz